genesis9

The Bible but Make it Gen Z: Genesis Chapter 9 🌊🌈
Yo, so after the whole flood situation, here's what went down:
God's looking at Noah and his boys like "y'all the real MVPs" and hits them with that follow blessing:"Time to go crazy, multiply, and get the earth poppin' again fr fr." 💯
God's like "here's the deal - from now on, every animal's gonna be shook when they see you. Whether they flying, swimming, or walking, they all gonna respect you fr. Consider them all in your inventory now."
Then God dropped the food update patch notes:"Aye listen up - all these animals? They're food now, just like I gave you those plants before. But here's the catch (no cap) - don't be eating meat that's still got blood in it. That's mad sus."
God ain't playing about violence tho fr fr:"If anybody out here taking lives, we got a problem. Whether it's animals or humans catching bodies, I'm gonna need answers. You take someone's life? Your life's getting taken too - that's just how it is. Remember y'all made in my image, so show some respect." 😤
Then God's like "but fr fr, go multiply and make the earth lit again."
Here comes the big W - God drops the first ever covenant (basically God's version of "no cap fr fr"):"Ayo Noah, listen up - I'm bout to make a promise with you, your kids, and every living thing that just left that ark. No cap, we ain't doing that flood thing again. I'm not trying to wipe out the earth like that anymore."
God really said "let me give you a receipt for this promise" and dropped the most fire screensaver ever:"Imma put my rainbow in the clouds (and that's on periodt). Every time you see it, just know that's me remembering our deal. No more global delete buttons, fr fr." 🌈
But then the story gets mad awkward:Noah started farming and made some wine (W), but then got too lit and passed out in his tent lacking. 💀His son Ham saw him down bad and went to tell his brothers (major L behavior).But Shem and Japheth were real ones - they walked in backwards with a blanket and covered their pops, didn't even look. Respect. 💯
When Noah sobered up and found out what happened, he was big mad. Dropped a whole curse on Ham's son Canaan, saying he'd be serving his brothers and their descendants. Then blessed Shem and said Japheth would be living large.
Noah stayed in the game for another 350 years after the flood. Man really said "let me hit level 950" before he logged off permanently.
And that's on periodt. No cap, just facts. 💯✨