genesis3

Genesis 3: The First L 🐍🍎
So check this drama out fr fr:
There was this snake in the garden who was mad sneaky, like high-key the most sus creature God made. This mans really slid into the woman's DMs like "Yo, did God really say you can't eat from ANY of these trees? That's kinda mid ngl."
The woman was like "nah fam, we can eat whatever, it's just that one tree in the middle that's off limits. God said don't even touch it or we'll catch that permanent game over."
Snake's being real toxic rn, hits her with: "You're not gonna die lmaooo. God's just gatekeeping fr. If you eat it, you'll get that wisdom buff and be just like Him - knowing good and evil and everything."
The woman looked at the fruit and was like "hold up, this looks kinda fire tho 👀" Thought it would make her big brain time. So she said "yolo" and took a bite. Handed it to her husband who was just standing there, and he ate it too like a whole NPC.
Suddenly their eyes got opened and they realized they were naked. Major L. They started panic crafting some fig leaf fits to cover up.
Later they heard God walking in the garden during the afternoon vibe check. They got scared and tried to go stealth mode behind some trees (spoiler: didn't work).
God: "Adam, where you at?"Adam: "I heard you but I'm naked so I'm hiding lol"God: "Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from that tree I specifically said not to?"
Adam started the blame game real quick: "It was the woman YOU gave me, she made me do it fr fr!"
God asked the woman "girl what did you do?" and she was like "the snake played me fr."
God went OFF and hit everyone with the consequences:
To the snake:"You're canceled fr fr. From now on you're gonna crawl on your belly and eat dirt. Plus you and humans? Eternal beef. Their descendants will be stomping on your head while you'll be trying to bite their feet."
To the woman:"Childbirth? That's gonna hurt real bad now. Plus your husband's gonna be in charge and that's gonna be rough."
To Adam:"Since you listened to your wife instead of me, the ground is now cursed. You're gonna have to work mad hard for your food. Thorns and thistles everywhere, you'll be sweating just to get bread. Remember you came from dirt and that's where you're going back to."
Adam called his wife Eve cause she was gonna be everyone's mom (first time he actually gave her a real name smh).
God saw them trying to make it work with those fig leaf fits and was like "nah that ain't it" and made them proper clothes from animal skins.
Then God was like "Now they know good and evil like us. Can't let them get to that Tree of Life and become immortal too." So He kicked them out of Eden fr fr.
Put these angel bouncers called Cherubim at the entrance with a whole flaming sword that moved in every direction. That Tree of Life got better security than a Travis Scott concert no cap.
And that's how humans took their first L. No more creative mode, we all playing survival now. 💀✨