genesis25

The Bible but Make it Gen Z: Genesis Chapter 25 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦✨
Okay bestie, get ready for some major family tea:
So Abraham said "new wife who dis" and married Keturah (mans wasn't done yet fr fr). She gave him a whole squad of sons:- Zimran- Jokshan (who later had Sheba and Dedan)- Medan- Midian- Ishbak- Shuah
The family tree just kept growing fr fr - Dedan had sons named Asshurim, Letushim, and Leummim (try saying that 3 times fast 💀). And Midian's boys were Ephah, Epher, Hanoch, Abida, and Eldaah.
But here's the tea - Abraham was playing favorites no cap. Gave his whole inheritance to Isaac (the golden child fr), while his other sons just got some goodbye gifts and got sent east (major family drama).
Abraham lived his best life for 175 years before he passed away (respectfully). His sons Isaac and Ishmael came through for the funeral and buried him with Sarah in that cave he bought (remember that real estate deal? major W).
After Abraham dipped, God started blessing Isaac heavy fr fr. Meanwhile, here's the 411 on Ishmael's squad (you know, Sarah's handmaid's son):
Ishmael had 12 sons who became straight up princes (flex):- Nebajoth (the oldest)- Kedar- Adbeel- Mibsam- Mishma- Dumah- Massa- Hadar- Tema- Jetur- Naphish- Kedemah
They all had their own towns and castles (living that luxury life fr fr). Ishmael lived to 137 then passed away too.
Now let's talk about Isaac's story - remember how he married Rebekah at 40? Well they had some fertility struggles but Isaac was praying for her heavy and God came through! 👶
But plot twist - Rebekah was having twins and they were already beefing in the womb! She was like "why is this happening???" and took it up with God.
God hit her with the prophecy: "You've got two whole nations in there fr fr. They're gonna be ops from day one, and plot twist - the younger one's gonna be the boss."
When the babies dropped, the first one came out looking like he was wearing a red furry fit (they named him Esau). His brother came out literally grabbing Esau's heel (sneaky from birth fr fr) and they called him Jacob. Isaac was 60 when this went down.
The twins grew up complete opposites no cap:- Esau: outdoorsy chad, hunter type beat- Jacob: homebody, tent vibes only
And the parents were picking sides (toxic fr fr):- Isaac was team Esau (mostly cause my man loved that venison 🦌)- Rebekah was team Jacob
Then one day Jacob was cooking some fire soup and Esau came in STARVING from hunting. Esau was like "bro let me get some of that red soup, I'm actually dying" (that's why they started calling him Edom which means red, we love a nickname origin story).
Jacob saw his chance and chose violence: "trade me your birthright for the soup."
Esau was being dramatic like "bro I'm literally dying, what good is a birthright if I'm dead?" So he said bet and traded his whole inheritance for some soup! 🤦‍♂️
Jacob made him pinky promise fr fr, then gave him some bread and lentil soup. Esau just ate and dipped like he didn't just make the worst trade deal in history.
And that's the tea on how Jacob finessed his way into the family inheritance with some soup! No cap, worst trade deal ever fr fr! 💯✨