genesis30

The Bible but Make it Gen Z: Genesis Chapter 30 👶🐑
The Sister War Continues (ft. Baby Drama):
Rachel was lowkey struggling fr fr. No kids? In this economy? She was mad jealous of her sister and went off on Jacob like "Give me children or I'm literally gonna die rn." ⚰️
Jacob was NOT having it. Man went full rage mode and said "Excuse me? Do I look like God to you? He's the one who's not giving you kids, don't come at me with that energy."
Rachel hit him with that backup plan: "Fine, take my maid Bilhah. She can have kids for me, it'll be like they're mine." (Ancient problems require ancient solutions ig)
So boom - Bilhah had a son and Rachel was like "God said I deserve" and named him Dan. Then Bilhah dropped another one and Rachel was like "I've been fighting with my sister and I won" so she called him Naphtali (weird flex but ok).
Meanwhile, Leah saw her baby streak was over and said "Two can play that game" and gave Jacob her maid Zilpah. Zilpah had two kids:- Gad (Leah was like "squad pulled up")- Asher (she was like "I'm winning the happiness game")
Then things got WILD with this mandrake situation 🌿
Leah's son found some mandrakes (iykyk - ancient love potion type beat) and Rachel was like "Bestie, let me get some of that." Leah clapped back with "You already took my man and now you want my son's love plants? The audacity!"
But Rachel said "Fine, you can have Jacob tonight if you give me the mandrakes" (sisters really trading their man like Pokémon cards smh).
So Leah caught Jacob outside and was like "I hired you with mandrakes tonight" and my guy really went with it 💀 God said bet and gave Leah more kids:- Issachar (she said it's what she deserved for sharing her maid)- Zebulun (sixth son, she was manifesting Jacob moving in permanently)- Finally a daughter named Dinah entered the chat
PLOT TWIST: God finally remembered Rachel existed and gave her a son! She called him Joseph (meaning "add another" because sis was already asking for seconds before finishing firsts).
After Joseph was born, Jacob was like "Aight imma head out" and told Laban "Let me and my whole squad bounce. I worked for these wives and kids fair and square."
But Laban wasn't ready to lose his cash cow and was like "No cap, I've been blessed since you showed up. Name your price to stay."
Jacob hit him with that entrepreneur mindset: "Look how I made your business boom. Time for me to start my own thing." Then he came up with this crazy scheme:
"Let me take all the spotted, speckled, and brown sheep and goats. That way it's obvious which ones are mine - if I have any plain ones, you'll know I stole them."
Laban was like "bet" but tried to finesse by removing all the spotted animals first 🤡
But Jacob said "Watch this" and pulled up with some 200 IQ breeding strategy. Man really put striped branches in front of the strong animals when they were doing their thing, and they had striped and spotted babies! He only did this with the strong ones though, left the weak ones for Laban.
End result? Jacob went from broke to rich real quick - man had mad livestock, servants, camels, everything. Turned into a whole CEO fr fr. 📈
And that's on manifestation! 💅✨